Romance Scams: How to Spot a Fake Online Relationship

It often starts gently. A friendly message on a dating site, a Facebook friend request, or even a wrong-number text that turns into warm conversation. The person is attentive and easy to talk to, and over days and weeks a real bond seems to form. Then, eventually, there is a problem that only money can solve, or an investment too good to pass up that they want to share with you.

Romance scams are among the most painful frauds because they steal trust and affection along with money, and they target loneliness directly. They also cause some of the largest losses, especially among older adults. This guide explains how the scam unfolds, shows a real example, and offers practical ways to protect yourself and the people you love.

What it is

A romance scam is when a criminal builds an online relationship to gain trust, then uses that trust to ask for money, gift cards, or help moving funds. A fast-growing version, called pig butchering, steers the victim into a fake cryptocurrency investment instead of a one-time emergency.

What makes these scams so effective is patience. The scammer is in no hurry. They invest weeks or months in becoming a trusted partner before any money is ever mentioned, so by the time the request comes, refusing feels like letting down someone you care about.

How it works

1. A stranger reaches out online and is attentive and affectionate, often messaging many times a day.
2. They always have a reason they cannot meet in person or video chat: a job overseas, military deployment, an oil rig, a hospital stay.
3. After trust builds, a crisis appears, such as a medical bill, travel money, customs fees, or a can’t-miss investment they will “help” you join.
4. They ask for money in ways that are hard to trace, and once you send some, the requests keep coming, each with a new urgent reason.

The pig-butchering version is slower and more financial. Rather than an emergency, the scammer coaches the person onto a fake crypto trading site that shows steady “gains,” encouraging larger and larger deposits until the money cannot be withdrawn.

A real example

Tom, a 68-year-old widower, matches with “Lena” on a dating app. She is warm, consistent, and a good listener, and within a few weeks they message every morning and night, though her camera “never works.” Lena mentions that her uncle taught her to invest in crypto and offers to show Tom how. His first $1,000 deposit appears to grow nicely on the platform’s dashboard, so he adds more, then dips into his retirement savings.

When Tom tries to withdraw his “profits,” the site demands a tax payment first. He pays it. Then there is an account-verification fee. He pays that too. Finally the platform stops responding, and Lena disappears. The relationship, the platform, and the profits were all fabricated. Tom is out far more than money.

By the numbers

• People reported losing about $823 million to romance scams in 2024, and reports for the first nine months of 2025 already topped $1.16 billion (FTC). See more elder fraud statistics.
• Adults 60 and older reported roughly $389 million in romance and confidence-scam losses in 2024 (FBI IC3).
• The FBI links much of the recent surge to pig butchering, where romance and fake crypto investing are combined; cryptocurrency investment fraud drew more than 41,000 complaints and $5.8 billion in losses in 2024 (FBI IC3).

Red flags to watch for

• A new online partner who quickly says they love you.
• They never meet in person and always have an excuse to avoid a live video call.
• The conversation steers toward money, gift cards, or a crypto investment.
• Pressure to keep the relationship secret from family and friends.
• Photos that look too polished, or a story that keeps changing.

How to protect yourself

1. Slow down. A genuine relationship does not require secrecy, urgency, or money.
2. Try a reverse image search of their photos, which often appear on other profiles or stock-photo sites.
3. Never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency to someone you have not met in person, no matter how close you feel.
4. Be especially wary of any investment advice from someone you met online.
5. Reduce how easily scammers can find and study you. They harvest names, interests, and contact details from social media and data-broker sites to seem like a perfect match. Tightening privacy settings, and removing your information from broker sites (a privacy or data-removal service can do this for you), gives them less to work with.
6. Keep people in the loop. Talk about new online relationships with family or friends. Scammers rely on isolation, so simply not being alone with the secret is powerful protection.

If you’ve already responded

If you already sent money, it is not your fault, and you are far from alone. Stop sending money immediately, including any “fees” required to withdraw. Contact your bank or the payment service to try to stop or reverse payments, and gather all records and messages. Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov, and if cryptocurrency was involved, report it to the FBI at ic3.gov. Be wary of anyone who later contacts you promising to recover your money for a fee, which is usually a second scam.

In the news

• Victims of online romance scams lost more than $800 million in 2024 (News 5 Cleveland)
• Romance scams outpace other fraud types at $1.16 billion (Global Dating Insights)

Sources

• FTC: What To Know About Romance Scams
• FTC: Love stinks, when a scammer is involved
• FBI: Operation Level Up (crypto and pig-butchering victims)
• FBI IC3: Elder Fraud